It was around 17:00 on a Monday and it was full on rush hour (organised people avoid such peak times..I have never been described as organised). Little Man by some kind of miracle was asleep (if a miracle counts as me swaying his pushchair side to side for about 30 minutes).
The bus finally arrives. I clamber on, and spot a rather distressed little boy having a full on melt down on a packed bus. Any parent’s worst nightmate (and most likely a comuters). I gave his Mum a understanding smile. His arms and feet began to protest along with his vocal chords. As he increased the noise level, his mum,who was a picture of calm (hats off to her!), expained that he wanted to get off to go on the train. This kid LOVED trains. So much so he rejected the offer (bribe) of sweets from a kind stranger.
This brings me to a recent-ish agrument my husband and I had (random but hang on in there…). It had been one of those days. And my husband had innocently made a remark about the clothes washing “oh I am running low on clean work shirts”.
This annoyed me. Infact It made me irrationally mad and I found myself going into defense mode. Did he expect me to do that? How dare he think that I am his personal cleaner! I am his wife not his washing machine. I felt he was implying that I should of done it! That I suck at house work (I kind of do to be fair). That the whole house was mess(it sort of is) and that it is my fault..Yeah I may of over reacted.
“You could of put it in the wash. It is not my job” I snapped.
The thing is I was feeling insecure. I had a particurally scatty day; I had nearly lost my debitcard (again), double booked playdate, forgotten to buy Teetha Powder and under boiled carrots for Little Man ( #BLW drama). This was the real cause of my defensiveness. This was the real root problem… My husband unaware got dragged into my emotional baggage. My insecurities plus my imagination had created a whole new scenerio.
I read an article written by a couple that write books on relationships (but for the life of me can’t find it. So if you know please pass it on ). The article discussed how ‘artistic license‘ in our day to day conservation is common issue in adult relationships. We are all guilty of it.
Back to the screaming child on the bus. Could there be more to his emotional melt down? Could there a root problem?Perhaps he associates the train with a friend he misses or he had a bad day and it is his happy place (mine is cake). I am no expert nor do I have a tantrum throwing toddler (yet!).
But here is hoping I mustered enough patience and grace to empathised in such moments. Here is hoping that I take the time to discover the root problem. Here is hoping that I take this opportunity to educate him on healthy expression of emotions. Here is hoping I don’t end up having my own transport melt down! (If so I will take bribes in any form of chocolate)
How do you deal wth your child’s tantrums? Is there always a root issue? Any top tips people?